32 New Things- Testify In A Court of Law
This is kind of a bonus thing because when I made my list I did not consider that I might want to testify in a court of law. I guess it's not really the sort of thing you set as a life goal for yourself, but if it happens you might as well place an imaginary check next to it, you know?
It turns out that testifying in court is basically exactly like it looks on television, except way more boring. For example, there were only like 4 people in the court room (besides the attorneys and the jury and theGUILTY SONOFA defendant). Some random guy was sitting in the back near the door and the judge told random man that he was beginning to think there was something going on between them because random man showed up at all of the judge's cases and made "those eyes" at him. Hahaha, courtroom humor. The judge also stopped in the middle of giving jury instructions to ask one of the jurors what kind of tablet device he had. Turns out the judge was also getting a tablet device- that very day! Just as soon as the FedEx man dropped it off. So you see that court is not too formal.
I got to be in the court room for all of this because I am the victim in the case and as a victim you can sit in the court room and make angry faces at the defendant and his family. Not really. I just sat quietly and basically behaved myself. After the jury was sworn in, the judge gave them their instructions and then it was time for all the fun.
To begin, the attorneys gave their opening arguments. The State went first and said basically that 6 houses were burglarized and similar items were taken from all the houses and pawned at Pawnshops and sold to Bookmans (Et tu, Bookmans? NO!) and that some of the stolen items were found in the defendant's bedroom. Then the Defense was all, yes, burglaries occurred and items were stolen and that is very sad but our client just received items from the REAL burglars and pawned them and that's not illegal- he didn't know he was doing anything wrong! I shed a tear here for the poor wrongly accused defendant. NOT.
Moving on. After the opening arguments, the Prosecutor called his first witness- ME. Then I had to get sworn in. I thought you had to swear on a Bible, but that didn't happen. Then I wasn't sure if I should say "I do" or "Yes" so I went with "Yes" because that's what the jury said when they were sworn in and I didn't want to sound like I was getting married or something. Because this is all on the record and I didn't want the jury thinking I was an idiot.
After I got sworn in I took my seat and the State asked me a bunch of questions about what items were taken from my house, and I had to read off serial numbers for some of the items. At this point I'm sure the jury fell asleep, because it was boring. The defense asked if I had any valuable items that I was surprised weren't stolen and I said I had some nicer jewelry than what he took but that my room is such a mess I'm not surprised he didn't see it. Then I thought maybe I shouldn't have said so much, but it was too late to take it back. After both sides had asked me questions the Judge asked the jury if they had any questions for me. One guy raised his hand and I was interested in what he was going to ask but then it turned out he just needed a new pen.
One thing that did happen like on TV was that the defense attorney objected. A lot. Like, every time the Prosecutor asked me a question, the Defense was all "Objection!" but he always got overruled and I answered the question anyway.
When my turn was over I sat back in the courtroom and watched as some pawn brokers took the stand. This was pretty boring too because they asked them all the same series of questions, but I did learn that the pawn shops pay $5 for a DVD player and $10 for a DVD player with remote. My DVD player was not stolen. I also learned that my $400 camera was pawned for $70 which made me sad because that camera was going for like $600 on Amazon at one point (USED!) and this moron sold it for $70. Duh, hasn't he ever watched Pawn Stars? Pawning is the worst.
After a few pawn brokers testified, the court took a 15-minute recess and I went home. A couple of days later the county attorney called to report that the jury had found the defendant guilty on the counts of trafficking in stolen goods but not on the burglary charges, which is what he expected. I don't know for sure but I guess this might be because there were no eyewitnesses who actually saw him in the houses stealing the things. At least the jury didn't buy the whole innocent-bystander-who-unknowingly-accepted-stolen-goods bit. Apparently the defendant was not present for the verdict so if he doesn't show up at some kind of conference next week the judge will issue a warrant for his arrest but in any case he's facing prison, not jail, and I guess I feel pretty good about that. And the Prosecutor said we victims can get together and attempt to squeeze blood from a turnip as far as restitution goes, which does not sound too promising. Sentencing is scheduled for next month. I probably won't attend.
And that is the story of the time I testified in a court of law.
It turns out that testifying in court is basically exactly like it looks on television, except way more boring. For example, there were only like 4 people in the court room (besides the attorneys and the jury and the
I got to be in the court room for all of this because I am the victim in the case and as a victim you can sit in the court room and make angry faces at the defendant and his family. Not really. I just sat quietly and basically behaved myself. After the jury was sworn in, the judge gave them their instructions and then it was time for all the fun.
To begin, the attorneys gave their opening arguments. The State went first and said basically that 6 houses were burglarized and similar items were taken from all the houses and pawned at Pawnshops and sold to Bookmans (Et tu, Bookmans? NO!) and that some of the stolen items were found in the defendant's bedroom. Then the Defense was all, yes, burglaries occurred and items were stolen and that is very sad but our client just received items from the REAL burglars and pawned them and that's not illegal- he didn't know he was doing anything wrong! I shed a tear here for the poor wrongly accused defendant. NOT.
Moving on. After the opening arguments, the Prosecutor called his first witness- ME. Then I had to get sworn in. I thought you had to swear on a Bible, but that didn't happen. Then I wasn't sure if I should say "I do" or "Yes" so I went with "Yes" because that's what the jury said when they were sworn in and I didn't want to sound like I was getting married or something. Because this is all on the record and I didn't want the jury thinking I was an idiot.
After I got sworn in I took my seat and the State asked me a bunch of questions about what items were taken from my house, and I had to read off serial numbers for some of the items. At this point I'm sure the jury fell asleep, because it was boring. The defense asked if I had any valuable items that I was surprised weren't stolen and I said I had some nicer jewelry than what he took but that my room is such a mess I'm not surprised he didn't see it. Then I thought maybe I shouldn't have said so much, but it was too late to take it back. After both sides had asked me questions the Judge asked the jury if they had any questions for me. One guy raised his hand and I was interested in what he was going to ask but then it turned out he just needed a new pen.
One thing that did happen like on TV was that the defense attorney objected. A lot. Like, every time the Prosecutor asked me a question, the Defense was all "Objection!" but he always got overruled and I answered the question anyway.
When my turn was over I sat back in the courtroom and watched as some pawn brokers took the stand. This was pretty boring too because they asked them all the same series of questions, but I did learn that the pawn shops pay $5 for a DVD player and $10 for a DVD player with remote. My DVD player was not stolen. I also learned that my $400 camera was pawned for $70 which made me sad because that camera was going for like $600 on Amazon at one point (USED!) and this moron sold it for $70. Duh, hasn't he ever watched Pawn Stars? Pawning is the worst.
After a few pawn brokers testified, the court took a 15-minute recess and I went home. A couple of days later the county attorney called to report that the jury had found the defendant guilty on the counts of trafficking in stolen goods but not on the burglary charges, which is what he expected. I don't know for sure but I guess this might be because there were no eyewitnesses who actually saw him in the houses stealing the things. At least the jury didn't buy the whole innocent-bystander-who-unknowingly-accepted-stolen-goods bit. Apparently the defendant was not present for the verdict so if he doesn't show up at some kind of conference next week the judge will issue a warrant for his arrest but in any case he's facing prison, not jail, and I guess I feel pretty good about that. And the Prosecutor said we victims can get together and attempt to squeeze blood from a turnip as far as restitution goes, which does not sound too promising. Sentencing is scheduled for next month. I probably won't attend.
And that is the story of the time I testified in a court of law.
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