I just need a bunch of kittens.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and some people were giving away kittens out front. They had a whole shopping cart full. And by full, I mean there were 5 or 6 kittens in there. You guys cannot even imagine how cute those kittens were. They were all tiny and grey and sleepy and I really wanted them. But I already have one cat and she is bad and has claws and is the reason I can't have nice things.

I tried to get my dad to take one or five kittens home but he was like, "Grr! I hate kittens! Kittens are the scourge of the earth!"

No, he didn't say that. He said "I like outdoor cats."

So I came up with this plan where he gets all 5 kittens and leaves them outside. Then they mate and have more kittens and it's like kittens, kittens, kittens, everywhere! A constant supply of kittens!

My sister, the fun-sucker, was all, "Then we're those people." Implying that the world at large has something against people who hoard cats.

Oh, wait, it does.

I explained to her that this is when the 2nd part of my plan comes into play- the part where most of the cats wander off and are eaten by coyotes.

She wasn't wild about that part of the plan either.

Some people's children. I swear.

I told her it was the circle of life. She didn't buy it.

In the end, I did not get a single kitten. I did get to hold one for a while, but that was like eating one potato chip.

Life is so unfair.

Then I made myself feel better by looking at this cute raccoon I saw at Bearizona. So that helped.