The One Where I Basically Get A Death Sentence.
Yesterday I took my car to get an oil change because it had been approximately 70,000 miles since my last one and that's no way to treat a car, especially if you want the car to continue to run until the end of time, which is my plan. And even more especially if you don't want your dad to be disappointed at how irresponsible you are. Responsible adults get their oil changed!
So I took it in on my lunch break and as usual the guys so nicely removed every part from the engine compartment to show me why I should have them replace it. And as usual I looked at the parts, acted concerned, and told them to put it back in the car, that I'd deal with it later. Then it was time to pay and the guy was all, oh, by the way, we found a huge pack rat nest under your air filter.
I'm sorry, what?
A pack rat nest? In my car? In my beautiful car that never spends the night outside? And where, pray tell, is the pack rat? At this point the guy is rambling on about putting soap and pantyhose in the engine but I wasn't paying attention to any of that. I know a little something about pack rat nests because I once watched an episode of Dirty Jobs where Mike Rowe went out into the desert to dig them up. Pack rat nests are full of horrible things like scorpions. And brown recluse spiders. I didn't even know there were brown recluse spiders here until I saw that episode of Dirty Jobs. And now maybe there are pack rats and their dirty nests and their poisonous co-inhabitants living in my car. And in my garage. And therefore, in my house.
So basically, I'm probably going to die. I'm probably going to wake up one day and my skin will be rotting off. (that is what happens when you're bitten by a brown recluse spider, just do a Google image search for it. You're welcome.) And then I will die. And I will be dead, dead, dead. And then the pack rats will eat my dead body. And they will also eat the wires in my car so it won't work anymore. And that will be really depressing.
I guess the moral of the story is that everything is stupid and even if you try to be responsible and change your oil, you'll just end up with pack rats in your engine and then you die.
Here is a MS Paint drawing I made of the brown recluse spider that will probably kill me. It's not a very good drawing because I spent 3 minutes on it. That is because I don't have a lot of time left, and when you are living on borrowed time you don't want to waste it drawing pictures on the computer.
So I took it in on my lunch break and as usual the guys so nicely removed every part from the engine compartment to show me why I should have them replace it. And as usual I looked at the parts, acted concerned, and told them to put it back in the car, that I'd deal with it later. Then it was time to pay and the guy was all, oh, by the way, we found a huge pack rat nest under your air filter.
I'm sorry, what?
A pack rat nest? In my car? In my beautiful car that never spends the night outside? And where, pray tell, is the pack rat? At this point the guy is rambling on about putting soap and pantyhose in the engine but I wasn't paying attention to any of that. I know a little something about pack rat nests because I once watched an episode of Dirty Jobs where Mike Rowe went out into the desert to dig them up. Pack rat nests are full of horrible things like scorpions. And brown recluse spiders. I didn't even know there were brown recluse spiders here until I saw that episode of Dirty Jobs. And now maybe there are pack rats and their dirty nests and their poisonous co-inhabitants living in my car. And in my garage. And therefore, in my house.
So basically, I'm probably going to die. I'm probably going to wake up one day and my skin will be rotting off. (that is what happens when you're bitten by a brown recluse spider, just do a Google image search for it. You're welcome.) And then I will die. And I will be dead, dead, dead. And then the pack rats will eat my dead body. And they will also eat the wires in my car so it won't work anymore. And that will be really depressing.
I guess the moral of the story is that everything is stupid and even if you try to be responsible and change your oil, you'll just end up with pack rats in your engine and then you die.
Here is a MS Paint drawing I made of the brown recluse spider that will probably kill me. It's not a very good drawing because I spent 3 minutes on it. That is because I don't have a lot of time left, and when you are living on borrowed time you don't want to waste it drawing pictures on the computer.
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