Rhymes with Orange

Nothing rhymes with orange.
Allegedly.
Or purple.
But that's not really true.
Because when I was a kid, I had a puppet.
It was a furry purple puppet.
With orange hair.
And his name was Purple Durple.
So, durple rhymes with purple.
Whoa.
Deep.
I'm really sore today.
On Saturday I scraped paint off of posts.
I crouched down to do it.
I'm too old to crouch, it seems.
Because now I can barely walk.
You shouldn't start a sentence with Because.
That makes it a fragment.
I keep doing it anyway.
Because I like the way it reads.
And because I am the ruler of this blog.
And in my blog kingdom, I do what I want.
Yesterday my coworker sent me a text.
He said, I just ran into your boy Sean.
I used to date this dude Sean and he was a jerk.
I said, did you punch him in the face?
Coworker said No, next time I will.
And I said, Make sure to tell him it's from me.
Ha.
It would be funny if that really happened.
I don't generally advocate violence.
But some people might deserve it.
That guy stole my fake Nintendo, so...
I'm just sayin'.
You know what is good?
Sonoran hot dogs.
You know what is ridiculous?
Sonoran hot dogs.
Hot dogs wrapped in bacon.
So unnecessary.
So delicious.
Sometimes I really love Tucson.
What a strange place.