Internet, Talk Me Down
I've been...oh, let's say, tormented lately with wanting to get in touch with The Ex. I can't really explain where this urge is coming from. It's just stupid little things. Yesterday I was trying to cancel my Geico insurance, and when I went to the part of the web page that talks about how to cancel, it gives a list of benefits that are supposed to woo you into staying. When I worked at Geico, I always got low scores on my retention calls because we were required to tell the caller about those benefits, and I never did because it's stupid. So I saw the list, and it made me laugh, and I knew he would commiserate.
And then after work I was in a store and they were playing a song over the loudspeakers- the song from that Richard Gere horses-on-the-beach, old person love story movie? You know what I'm talking about? I think it's Gavin Rossdale or something? It was always in the previews for that movie. Anyway, there was a Steven Colbert episode where he was making fun of that movie and they played the song and Steven was all, "Oh, that song- that song! Play it again!" it was all dramatic and hilarious and whenever the song would come on the radio or whatever we'd go, "That sooooooong! Ohhhhhhhh!". Yeah, that sounds crazy, but it was just one of those things.
So, you guys. I'm struggling today. I want to e-mail or text or something. I want to say what's up, but I don't want to really know what's going on. I want to know if he's still in town, still at the same job. I don't want to know if he's happy. I don't want him to be happy, actually. I don't want to know if he's moved on. I'd be happy to report how much I've moved on but I don't need him to reciprocate. I want to explain that I unfriended him on Facebook (how old am I?) not because we can't be friends or because I want to cut him permanently out of my life but because I couldn't handle seeing his little picture pop up unexpectedly on the pages of mutual friends. I'm sad that after 2 years together it's come to this, where we can't even have a casual conversation about shared experiences. And this is where you encourage me and keep me from doing something I'll regret. Or maybe you tell me why it'd be OK to send a message, maybe if it was just a little one, and it was worded just right. I don't know. Help me.
And then after work I was in a store and they were playing a song over the loudspeakers- the song from that Richard Gere horses-on-the-beach, old person love story movie? You know what I'm talking about? I think it's Gavin Rossdale or something? It was always in the previews for that movie. Anyway, there was a Steven Colbert episode where he was making fun of that movie and they played the song and Steven was all, "Oh, that song- that song! Play it again!" it was all dramatic and hilarious and whenever the song would come on the radio or whatever we'd go, "That sooooooong! Ohhhhhhhh!". Yeah, that sounds crazy, but it was just one of those things.
So, you guys. I'm struggling today. I want to e-mail or text or something. I want to say what's up, but I don't want to really know what's going on. I want to know if he's still in town, still at the same job. I don't want to know if he's happy. I don't want him to be happy, actually. I don't want to know if he's moved on. I'd be happy to report how much I've moved on but I don't need him to reciprocate. I want to explain that I unfriended him on Facebook (how old am I?) not because we can't be friends or because I want to cut him permanently out of my life but because I couldn't handle seeing his little picture pop up unexpectedly on the pages of mutual friends. I'm sad that after 2 years together it's come to this, where we can't even have a casual conversation about shared experiences. And this is where you encourage me and keep me from doing something I'll regret. Or maybe you tell me why it'd be OK to send a message, maybe if it was just a little one, and it was worded just right. I don't know. Help me.
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